Bossy

“It’s not easy, is it, Lewis?” Nancy said, not even looking the recent hire in the eye.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Lewis pleaded, “I thought the boss just a Boomer that sits in an office telling everyone else what to do! I had no idea your job was actually hard!”

“I’m actually an Elder Millennial.”

“Whatever! Just can we PLEASE swap back!? I don’t want to be the boss anymore! I certainly don’t want to be old! And being perimenopausal is no fun either! I’m sorry! What else do I have to say!?”

“I’m just thinking how long I’m going to keep us swapped for. A week? A month? It’s totally up to me...oh, and maybe think of this time as a lesson about what it really means to be in charge.”

The Client

Don't You Work in IT?

“Don’t you work in IT, Johnny? Can’t you fix this!?” Anna pleaded, who was somehow fused into one body with their co-worker, Hao.

Johnny tried to explain. “I work in software. I don’t know anything about biology or whatever happened here. I didn’t even know this lab existed off the server room until I heard your screams.”

Anna pouted. “But he used a computer to do this! And you know computers!”

“I understand you don’t know,” Hao reasoned, “But surely someone must know what was being done down here.”

“I mean, I don’t even know where the unused parts of your bodies are. I certainly wouldn’t know how to undo or re-attach anything. But I guess I can ask around...”

Twinsies, Episode 1 (Facebook version)

The Client

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Wearing

Linn seemed angry when she approached me the day after our body swap. “What the hell do you think you are doing?” She asked, “I thought we agreed to act our best to be each other until we could swap back.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked. I literally had no clue.

“Nylons? A leather skirt? Have you ever seen me walk around the office wearing anything remotely like that.”

I folded my arms. Was she serious? Everything I was wearing came out of her closet! I had Googled appropriate work clothes for women before getting dressed! I really thought it was fine! I mean, seriously, I did my best while being stuck in her body!

More Often

I always used to think high heels on women were hot, and I wondered why they didn’t wear them all the time. My perspective on this immediately changed after swapping bodies with one.

After an accident at work, I had become Moon -- an Asian woman with a somewhat frumpy fashion sense. I told myself I’d be ditching her ballet flats for a pair of heels the next day.

I regretted the choice almost instantly, but still not quick enough.

I thought the initial pain would be temporary, that’d I’d adjust to the feeling in no time. By lunch, I felt like my feet were just two gigantic blisters on the end of my legs.

And somehow I understood...no more high heels for me! Of course, just because I came to that realization, it did NOT give me my body back...

Explain

Albert watched the City fade into suburbs as his commuter rail travelled north. His wife was certainly going to be surprised to see him like this. He had thought about texting her to prepare her for the shock, but what was he going to say?

“Sorry. Accident at work. Now inside the body of our 21 year old female intern.”

He still didn’t believe it himself, and he was living the experience! He shifted in the seat as the conductor checked his ticket; this usually meant there was only one more stop until his station. Then he’d drive home, and at that point, he’d have to explain this mess.

He wasn’t looking forward to it.

Market Forces

It wasn’t my fault that everyone in the office swapped bodies. I was sure of this. My code was solid and free of bugs. Yet the timing of this was undeniable. It had all happened when I turned on my experimental device. And now I sat here in Maris’s body as I awaited a meeting with my boss.

It was hard to focus on what I was going to say; I was much too focused on the fact that I was presently a woman. Maris had manicured nails and always wore skirts in the office, which meant I currently had manicured nails and a skirt. I could at least prepare myself to be yelled at, or probably fired.

Yet when he called me in, the conversation was more...curious. My boss asked me how I did it, and if I could do it again. I wasn’t sure on either, or I wanted to insist I wasn’t even yet convinced it was my fault at all. Apparently, the powers that be convinced there was a way to market body swapping.

Spreadsheets and Documents

It wasn’t being stuck in Serena’s body that Dave took issue with. In fact, he found being stuck in the body of a woman to be quite pleasant. The skirts that hugged his body, the sweet perfume he applied in the morning -- it all just felt so wonderful.

But then there was her job. He didn’t understand any of it. The spreadsheets, the paperwork -- it was all so confusing. For the first few days, he just let it pile up on her desk. After all, he didn’t expect to be swapped with her for very long; she could just take care of it all when they switched back.

But then days grew into weeks. While Dave was having a blast on nights and weekends, he was worried he’d be fired if he couldn’t figure out Serena’s 9-5. And if he couldn’t do that, he wouldn’t get paid, and those nights and weekends would become far less fun. But no matter how much he tried, none of the documents made sense to him.

As Much Damage As Possible

Maintaining the company’s servers was technically Jose’s job. Even as he was worried about the daily load, no one kept him informed what sort of informaton was being transmitted that required so much bandwidth. It was a sheer accident that revealed everything.

The massive body swap across the company that day brought confessions from management about the secret projects involving brain uploads.

Jose was told to get back down to the basement to get the servers back online. As he trudged back downstairs, he thought about how he had been kept the dark, took one look at the female body he ended up in, and instead decided to unplug everything to cause as much damage as possible.

The Job Market

The job market had tightened in recent months, and Mel had heard women were being hired at higher rates than men. It made sense. Women had started outpacing men in college graduation rates, and the zeitgeist around men being lazy and arrogant were stronger than others -- none of it added up to encouraging news for a guy entering the workplace.

Still, his name was gender neutral enough -- perhaps he could fake it? A wig? A dress? And Trying to pitch up his voice just enough to be convincing? He hoped it would all be enough to land the gig.

And sure enough, it was. But now he had to put on a smile and come to the office every day like this? He guessed so. He really needed this job, after all...

The Cube (Part 2)

View Part 1 of The Cube.

For most people in the office, figuring out who was who was easy. People just sort of identified themselves and the person they swapped with, spoke with HR, and work pretty much continued as usual.

It wasn’t so easy for Henry.

The person in Henry’s body was also claiming to be Henry. He knew an awful lot about his life too. It was weird. Henry wondered if he had a stalker, and if that stalker was now in his body.

And since that guy had the body, he got the office. Since Henry had Elizabeth’s body, he had to stay at Elizabeth’s cubicle. HR was creating a process of dealing with the conflict, but in the meantime, Henry was mostly put on boring tasks that were mostly busywork. Yet with the distractions of the cubicles instead of privacy of his own office, it was hard to focus...

Disturbia (Part 2)

View Part 1 of Disturbia.

Patrick arrived back at Cheryl’s suburban home to a very unpleasant surprise -- her husband had arrived home early from his business trip. He seemed friendly enough at first, but as the night went on, it got creepier.

He supposed the questions started out innocently enough. Her husband asked Patrick about why he hadn’t changed out of his work clothes, and Patrick had hoped he wouldn’t have to. He had planned to sleep in Cheryl’s clothes and go back to work the next morning wearing the exact same thing. With her husband around, that might be a more challenging plan. Then he started to get all handsy; it was making Patrick very uncomfortable, even as he kept telling himself that this guy just thought he was being friendly with his wife.

Patrick began to wonder if he should tell Cheryl’s husband what was up. Sure, it would ruin everyone’s bonus, but someone else was likely to fess up as well, right? He wouldn’t be the only one? And even if he was, the cost might be worth it to get this guy’s hands off of him.

Nogged

Ethan downed another egg nog at the holiday party. He was still in disbelief about the fact that he had swapped bodies with Shelby. It didn’t even seem possible, and no one else seemed to be in a similiar situation.

When he asked a co-worker about it, they just shouted, “Someone needs to cut off, Shelby! She’s been drinking too much!”

Of course, the other piece that was missing was his own body. He hadn’t seen Shelby in his body anywhere since he ended up in hers. She’d actually be able to confirm the story, right? Of course, he was also worried that she might not want to be found for a reason. Could she have had some sort of plan to steal his body all along?

Disturbia (Part 1)

It had to be the weirdest day at work that Patrick could recall. Technically, he was still just an entry level employee, but he had swapped bodies with one of the managers -- a middle aged blonde woman by the name of Cheryl. She had been nice enough to give him a sweatshirt to cover up, as he felt quite exposed by the sleeveless white dress she had chosen to wear that day.

The company researchers promise to have everyone back in the right body tomorrow, and the lawyers promised a big bonus if everyone could keep a secret. An so Patrick found himself on a commuter train back to the suburbs that night. Cheryl had given him a rundown of anything he might need to know.

Though she had two kids, they were both off to college already, and fortunately her husband was out of town on a business trip. Patrick told her about his crappy apartment in the City with the roommate he never talks to. He was hoping for a very uneventful evening and that the swap back would happen first thing in the morning.

Face to Face

About a week after the Great Shift, they were making us all come back into the office. None of us really wanted to, but they tried to say explain it by telling us people working in grocery stores or at the docks didn’t the luxury of working at home at all. They tried to ease us in by easing the dress code. It wasn’t much comfort.

Based on the way she looked at me in the break room, I don’t think Marie liked seeing me dress her body in sneakers and gray sweats. Of course, she might just not like seeing me in her body at all, but what could I do about that?

The Great Shift had plopped me into her body and that was that. It was probably easier for both us back when we only had the rare interaction on a Zoom call, but running into each other face to face? Yeah, it was awkward.

Post DEI

After Kimberly and Harrison found the strange tech in the office, the two were trying to figure out exactly what it did. When the thing shot out a beam of light that swapped their bodies, Kimberly was in shock.

“Why the hell am I in your body!?” She gasped.

“I heard about these things,” Harrison said leaning in, fully enjoying being in Kimberly’s body, “They used to use these things back when DEI was popular. You know? Empathy and all that stuff?”

“I don’t want empathy! I want my own body!”

“Well, you’re probably just going to have to wait. I think this thing in on a timer.”

“I can tell by that look on your face, Harrison! You better not be thinking about doing anything weird while you’re in my body!”

“And if I do? So what? Who in HR is actually going to care about any of that right now?”

Database

John checked the database in the company file again just so he could remember his name. The swap had happened a few days ago, an error in a test of a new device had caused everyone at the company to swap bodies. John found himself in Ellen’s body -- which had been wildly awkward and uncomfortable for him at the time.

The days passed and people awaited news about switching back to their own bodies. It never came. As it turned out the researchers discovered that by just staying in someone else’s body long enough, you’d basically adjust -- mannerisms, interests, pesonality, and even memories would return -- and it would be just like you never swapped in the first place.

Something about his personality being consumed by Ellen’s didn’t sit right with John. As he became more comfortable with things like being a woman and the shape of his body, he tried his best to hold onto himself. He knew he was losing, however. The database of who swapped with who was one of his last reminders to tell himself he was really John. If the company ever deleted it? Well, he’d be in trouble. He’d be 100% Ellen for sure, so he made a backup copy. He only hoped he’d remember the copy existed...

In the Pouring Rain

“And just why did you bring us up to the roof in the pouring rain?” Tricia asked her boss Mike.

“Because we came up here the other day and there was that lightning strike that swapped our bodies, right?” Mike asked. “I figured there’s a pretty good chance of another lightning strike in weather like this. It’s been two days, Tricia! I want my body back!”

You don’t think I want mine back, too? It’s nice to be the boss, but I miss being young! I miss having a social life! I hated going back to the suburbs at night!”

“Then what are you complaining about!?”

“Because it may be raining, but there’s no lightning today! We’re just getting soaking wet!”