Randomizer Ray

“Do you want to return the Randomizer Ray?” Taylor asked the person standing before him, “The policy was clear when you bought it. We don’t take returns.”

“I don’t need to return it. I need to fix it!” Nick explained, “I want my body back! I didn’t meant to zap myself with it!”

“It’s a Randomizer Ray, not a Reversal Ray! I can tell by the colorization that this one mostly randomizes things related to gender, but it IS completely random. You could zap yourself with it and turn yourself gay, or you might change genders, or become asexual; I’ve even heard it can cause a body swap if two people are close enough. Really, anything remotely related to sex or gender can happen when you get hit by that thing.”

“I know! It was funny when I used it on other people, but I accidentally turned myself into a woman! I want to be me!”

“On other people? I’m not sure that’s ethical, but to solve your problem? Well, you can try to keep zapping yourself, but the odds are astronomically small you’d ever get anything even close to being yourself again. Gender has a LOT of variables.”

“Maybe you can fix it if I zap you!” Nick threatened Taylor, hoping for a different answer.

“Go ahead. You think that would be my first time getting hit by a Randomizer Ray? I used to be a woman named Taylor, now I’m a guy named Taylor. You just move on...”

You Bet Your Life

When Joseph read they were rebooting the game show “You Bet Your Life,” he didn’t think the title was literal. He was seleced to be a contestant, he was excited. He prepared by studying a vast amount of trivia, but still ended up losing it all. When he was told “it wasn’t over,” he actually got excited. Was there a bonus? Or a second chance?

The host laughed at Joseph’s question. No. Joseph certainly lost, but someone still had to win! The host began to explain that anyone could now win Joseph’s life; all they had to do was claim it. Whatever process that entained seemed to be filmed in another studio, as everyone just seemed to stand around for a while until a producer gave a nod.

Then the host bounced back into action with a grin. “We have a winner! Let’s give a round of applause for Rhonda Blake!” The host then turned to Joseph, “Say goodbye to your life, Joseph!”

In an instant Joseph felt sick, and in the next minute he noticed painted red nails on the tips of his fingers. He didn’t even have time to process exactly what was happening to him as the host explained, “Rhonda has won Joseph’s life in the suburbs with a beautiful house, a wife, two kids, and a good paying job. Don’t worry. Joseph is not leaving empty handed. Now that he’s in Rhonda’s body, he’ll experience her life filled with clinical depression, the rude advances of her co-workers, and a staggering amount of debt. Join us next time on ‘You Bet Your Life,’ where we take the title of this show quite literally.”

Retro Gamer (Part 3)

View Part 1 of Retro Gamer.
View Part 2 of Retro Gamer.
Subscribers at a "A Little Shift" level can view Part 4 early on DeviantArt.

After what felt like several months (if not years) of being stuck inside the game, Alan was feeling resigned to the fact that this was now his life. And yet, one day he couldn’t help but notice he was steadily progressing, getting further and further, and finally seeing parts of the game he had never seen before. Boss fights became more challenging until suddenly he could just feel it was all over. He had done it; he had won.

It ended with a flash of light, and he found himself on the floor in someone’s living room in front of a large screen television. A guy was sitting on the couch holding a controller looking completely dumfounded. Alan was sure he expression was equally confused. But as Alan started to stand up, he felt something was wrong.

He had escaped the video game and returned to the real world, sure. But he hadn’t been returned to his own body. He looked at the delicate hands and cute dress he wore, and he realized he was a real life version of the character in the game he had been. He wanted to say “thank you,” but instead he was in a state of shock. He was an entirely new person, and (it seemed) the pixelated character now inside the game seemed to look a lot like him...

Bullied

Evan wondered how it was possible he still had a bully? He was 18 years old and a senior in high school, and yet every day he still lived in fear of Chuck Watkins. But he put his genius mind to work and thought he found a solution: a device that could swap the traits of any two people. Evan used it to swap bodies with Esther Lee, a nerdy wallflower of a student who no one ever notice.

As it turned out, Chuck liked to bully her just as much as he liked to bully Evan, except that it also came with a side of revolting innuendo.

Realizing he had nowhere to hie, Evan decided to use the trait swapper on Chuck the next day, switching his personality with the nicest teacher in school, Mrs. Torcado. This proved to be an even bigger mistake.

“Hey, Loser,” Mrs. Torcado said as she approached Evan as he sat down for class, “Where’s your stupid homework?”

“It’s right here,” Evan said pulling it out of his bag and putting it in front of him.”

Mrs. Torcado immediately tore it up, “Aw, I don’t see any goddamn homework. I guess you’re gonna have to stay after school. Say what? Maybe meet me behind th dumpster during lunch and we can work something out, eh? Be prepared to bring your goddamn safety scissors, if you catch my drift, you pillow princess!”

Divorced

George’s wife had been a bit of a nag as long as he could remember. Alice was a little annoying, but she had been tolerable for the most part. Besides, for the most part he thought it made him a better husband and even a better man. After all, he should do things like clean up after himself; he just would need a little nudge in the right direction.

But the dynamic changed after the Great Shift. George found himself in Alice’s body, and her nagging went through the roof. Now it wasn’t just little things to improve himself; it was about how he should dress, every bite of food that he ate, and not a single moment of peace.

After a few weeks, George broke. He decided he couldn’t take it anymore and brought home divorce papers. Within another week, he had set himself up in an apartment with the ultimate bachelor pad -- well, bachelorette pad, he guessed, technically.

As he sat down to watch the game with a bowl of Cheetos and a glass of beer, he paused to appreciate the quiet. No one was yelling at him about calories or that he was wearing the wrong jeans. He could just enjoy himself, enjoy the game, and enjoy his new life.