Hormones

Choking on a spoonful of ice cream probably wasn’t the worst situation a person found themselves in as a result of the Great Shift. And, believe me, some of my friends had absolutely disgusting stories about the positions they ended up in. But all those things a body was doing or experiencing at the time didn’t just go away just because someone else was in control.

Along with the ice cream, I was also feeling all the hormones and sadness and crying this body had been going through at the time of the swap. I didn’t know her boyfriend had just broken up with her, but I also couldn’t seem to stop the impact on a dime. I kept eating the ice cream and watching the trashy romcom she had on; I couldn’t explain why. I would’ve never done these things as a guy. I wasn’t even sure if they were helping or sending me further down a spiral.

It probably messed me up in some ways, but, again, far from the worst situation...

S41FT - "HYBRIDS"

The Swap (Part 2)

View Part 1 of The Swap.

Senior Year. It had now been three years and four months since the swap. After a few weeks, I think Li and I both realized we weren’t going to swap back. When that didn’t happen, I think we both sort of thought the other might gradually come to accept their new bodies even while we were both fighting what we looked like with every ounce of our being.

Sometime in Junior Year, we basically stopped talking. We wouldn’t even run into each other again for nearly an entire year.

It was hard not to stare when I saw her -- to think that body was once mine. I had a feeling she was taking hormones. I couldn’t blame her, as I was doing the exact same thing. We both wanted our new bodies to match how we felt on the inside better. The hard wasn’t seeing my own body looking so different, it was realizing that I once had a body that effortlessly matched my gender identity. We didn’t exchange a word, but somehow I knew she felt the same.

Room

I felt confused and disoriented as I was told to take a seat in the room. The chair was basically the only thing in the room with us. I didn’t even see a door, and I had no idea where the light was coming from.

They started by apologizing, but I didn’t know for what. They continued on about some sort of experiment, something to do with brains, and how I was once a guy but now I was a woman.

Man? Woman? I didn’t know what these things were. I really didn’t know much of what they were talking about. I just wanted to get out of here and go back to -- well, it was hard to think of what I would go back to as I could remember much before this room.

Last Thing to Change

I was at the stage of the transformation where my body had completely transformed from male to female and now my personality was changing as well. I had already bought a bunch of things suited to my new mindset. In fact, the old me was almost completely gone. The only thing left was a nagging memory of who I was coupled with a sense of not wanting to fully embrace my new female entity.

I sat under my new pink blanket as I looked at my fingernals -- both hating them so much I wantd to rip them off and worried about breaking one at the same time. I knew which side of me would eventually win. It’s how the transformation virus worked. The mind was just the last thing to change...