Visit My Pateon

Visit my Patreon

Monday, March 18, 2024

That Guy

I never made music that could be described as mainstream. Mostly I just plugged a bunch of drum machines and effects pedals through a bunch of distortion with an occasional yelp into a microphone. My harsh noise set often seemed to be the perfect time for the audience to go outside for a smoke break. I knew I was never going to be the next big thing; I was always just going to be “that guy” in the Brooklyn indie music scene.

But then the Great Shift happened.

Suddenly, I wasn’t “that guy” anymore. I wasn’t even a guy at all anymore; I swapped bodies with a woman. And if I had swapped bodies with some random woman, like a lawyer or a nurse, I probably would’ve continued to perform in obscurity. But a weird twist of fate caused me to swap bodies with one of the members of the biggest kpop girl bands in the world.

Her manager and agent tried to pressure me into continuing her career, but there was no way I was going to play pop music. I continued playing my harsh noise sets in underground Brooklyn venues. But the word started to get around about whose body I now had. It started with people no longer leaving during my set, instead watching with curiosity. Then people started showing up specifically to see my set. It eventually built into a large, sweaty crowd -- obviously breaking any sort of capacity or fire codes. I knew they weren’t really there for my music; they were all there to simply see the body of a kpop superstar. They’d cheer my random yelps into the microphone, so happy to hear her voice even through layers of distortion. But I didn’t even want to look up; I didn’t want to acknowledge an audience. I knew they didn’t care. Not really. I preferred my former obscurity.

Sunday, March 17, 2024

Back in Time (Part 3)

View Part 1 of Back in Time.
View Part 2 of Back in Time.

And while I was still aiding the king, I was under no mistaken impression about what would be considered to be my main purpose now. And thus, soon enough, I was with child. Once again, a bit of modern knowledge certainly helped. I stayed away from wine. I continued to do stretching like yoga. I refused to let anyone tell me I was too “delicate” also.

The doctors considered each of the four children I ultimately gave birth to “remarkably healthy.” Of course, I suspected a good amount of this was due to the genetic diversity that much of the royal family lacked. And despite technically now being part of the royal bloodline, they’d never be kings of queens. My princely husband had seven older brothers, each with kids of their own. But, still, I knew I’d be taken care of about as best as could be possible in this time period. I anticipated that I would die a happy woman one day...

Saturday, March 16, 2024

The Farmhouse (Part 4)

View Part 1 of The Farmhouse.
View Part 2 of The Farmhouse.
View Part 3 of The Farmhouse.

“When I get out of here, I am SO going to kill you,” I heard my own voice yell from inside one of the chambers.

Meanwhile, I was busy marveling at being in my sister’s body. I was definitely convinced that I wanted to be a woman, and my sister’s body wasn’t old like my mom’s. It didn’t hurt that my sister worked out a bunch and was super flexible. I sort of just stood around and tried to move my body in weird ways as my sister kept cursing at me from inside the locked chamber.

I probably shouldn’t have tricked her into the chamber, and it was probably foolish that I had locked myself inside. But, damnit, it worked. Now I had my leverage.

“If you want me to let you out,” I yelled, “First, I get to keep your body for a week. Then you need to help me find another woman’s body. I don’t care if it’s a friend or a stranger...but I have to approve, okay?”

There was a moment of silence before I finally heard a reluctant, “Fine.”

Friday, March 15, 2024

One Hell of a Performance

Adam’s latest invention had completely malfunctioning, causing him to swap bodies with Cho, a ballet dancer in a nearby studio. She was obviously furious, but he promised to do everything possible to make things right. That meant tackling things on two fronts. The first was not only keeping up with Cho’s ballet for an upcoming performance, but doing extra training on the side in order to not look like a fool during practice. The second was obviously fixing his invention to try to swap back to normal as soon as possible. What made this especially challenging was the intensity and amount of ballet practice Adam had to do. The night of Cho’s big performance arrived before Adam knew it. He desperately wanted to finish before the curtain rose; it was an hour away, and he was so close to fixing this. He was dressed and ready to go just in case he didn’t finish in time. With moments to spare he was ready. But Cho stopped him, telling him they couldn’t swap back yet. After all, Adam had been the one practicing and preparing for the performance all this time now. He was ready for it; she certainly wasn’t. Adam tried to protest, but Cho laid into him with a guilt trip about the initial accident. Finally, he nodded. Tonight, he would give one hell of a ballet performance; they could always swap back in the morning.

Adam’s latest invention had completely malfunctioning, causing him to swap bodies with Cho, a ballet dancer in a nearby studio. She was obviously furious, but he promised to do everything possible to make things right. That meant tackling things on two fronts.

The first was not only keeping up with Cho’s ballet for an upcoming performance, but doing extra training on the side in order to not look like a fool during practice.

The second was obviously fixing his invention to try to swap back to normal as soon as possible. What made this especially challenging was the intensity and amount of ballet practice Adam had to do.

The night of Cho’s big performance arrived before Adam knew it. He desperately wanted to finish before the curtain rose; it was an hour away, and he was so close to fixing this. He was dressed and ready to go just in case he didn’t finish in time. With moments to spare he was ready. But Cho stopped him, telling him they couldn’t swap back yet. After all, Adam had been the one practicing and preparing for the performance all this time now. He was ready for it; she certainly wasn’t. Adam tried to protest, but Cho laid into him with a guilt trip about the initial accident. Finally, he nodded. Tonight, he would give one hell of a ballet performance; they could always swap back in the morning.

Thursday, March 14, 2024

Not a Bad Place to Be

Deigo’s phone buzzed, and he checked it with excitement. “I’ve got bars again,” He said to Jose, “Let me check the news sites.”

The websites were all very slow to load. He was getting reception again, but it wasn’t very good. Many of the links didn’t load; the images never did. But the text of one news site seemed to work.

He began to read the article and explain the situation to Jose, “Okay, so they’re calling it the Great Shift. Early estimates are over 95% of the world population swapped bodies with someone else. They don’t expect us to swap back to normal...at least not any time soon. Crap. I need another drink.”

Diego and Jose stared blankly at each other for a moment.

“What are you looking at me for?” Jose asked, “Yeah, I’m in the bartender’s body, but I’m no more him than you are a supermodel despite that body you found yourself in. Just take whatever you want and pour it yourself. I don’t care! I’m not here to serve you, and I’m not about to collect money from you.”

“Yeah, sorry,” Diego apologized as he poured himself another drink as he continued to read the article, “It’s just sort of...force of habit. Things seem really bad out there. I guess this dive bar ain’t a bad place to be for the time being.”